White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
