I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish you could order shots online.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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