FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
