I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
