i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
