I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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