Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
