She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
