That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
