Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize