I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
