He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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