their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
