I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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