I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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