my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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