You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
