How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
