I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
