I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
