I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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