bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
