No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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