This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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