My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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