That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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