i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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