Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
