you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
