The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
