If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
