My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
