We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
