i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
