My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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