Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
