bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
