it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
