my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
