I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
