I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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