chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
