Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
