i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did we literally take a cab across the street
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
