Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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