After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
