I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize