he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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