i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
