Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i've created a new STD.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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