dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
