just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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