His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
