Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize