Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
