Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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