would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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