i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
