The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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