Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
