There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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