Don't you send me to vm
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
