I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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