Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
