After last night, I could never be a politician.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
