omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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