Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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